Me updated

It has been a long time since I have been here to get my feelings out. I am not sure if I have been keeping them in or just do not have the time to write. A lot had changed in my life to this point but I feel like I am slipping back in the "old me" ways. I have been sad lately and looking for something. I have been reading my bible and trying to stay focused but something is holding me back.

My marriage is OK. Still not getting it enough and was even told that my sexual prowess is "pineapples" at times. PINEAPPLES!!!! Are you kidding me? Well that hit me like a stab in the chest. I can't win for losing when it comes to that department. I am a guy trapped in a woman's body.

I am trying to keep up the look and the attitude but sometimes I just want to be a mess and look a mess. I am not sure what has been up with me lately. I need to figure it out (maybe I just need to get my hair done. That always makes me feel better) I think it is just that there is nothing to look forward to. I am not doing anything interesting. I still need to loose more weight and workout and increase the fabulousness but there is no motivation.

On a good note, Sam had a great report card and is doing very well in the sixth grade. He is growing up to be a wonderful person and all of his teachers spoke very highly of him. My mom is doing great. She is back teaching in the classroom which is giving her gray hair but she just has to hold on for a few more years before she retires.

I am not sure what I am going to do about myself. I have to find myself in all of this life around me. I need something new like a new job or to go back to school. I need to do something to reinvent myself. So much more I could say but I just don't feel like it.

Things were a lot easier when I was doing things I shouldn't. I don't want to mention what they were because I don't want to be judged by any of you but I will say that giving in to the flesh and desires that you have is GREAT it is just that God steps in and convicts you so that you not only don't want to do those things anymore but just in case you decide you do want to and you go for it, you feel out of place. SMH Living this life is not easy.