Well today I have a lot on my mind. I found out today after an EMG test on my wrist that I have tendinitis and not carpel tunnel. I was very happy when I heard that. The tendinitis hurts really bad but carpel is much worse and I am too young to have it as far as I am concerned. I will wear the thumb splint I got the yesterday from Rite Aid and pray it goes away soon. The doc told me to rest my arm and Jake told me to stop acting like superwoman and chill. I just said ok and told him not to let my house fall apart and my child starve while I am resting the hand.

Yesterday I had a melt down. I got home from work and my hand was in a lot of pain. I didn't want to just go to sleep and not hang out with Sam so we started to play a game of scrabble. I purchased a Dictionary yesterday at Rite Aid just for our Scrabble game time. WE played for a while and were having a good time when Sam got frustrated because he could not get a word. I went to help him and he got mad and sad he didn't want my help. He got a nasty attitude and in my frustration I knocked over the game and it hit him. Well he acted like I did it on purpose (which I would never do, Oh it tapped him by the way) and he said I didn't care and blah blah blah. I told him to call his grandmom (voice of reason), tell her the truth and see what she says. After that I melted. Jake walked in the house and I was in the bathroom crying. I was sad that I hust Sam's feelings and I felt like I was all alone in my own house. I often feel like I have no one to talk to because Jake is on the computer and Sam is too young to have adult conversation. We hang out but it is not the same as having an adult to have an interesting conversation with. When I said all this while crying on the toilet, Jake said I cannot be mad at him that when he comes home he does the same thing everyday. It is what is best for him and he has no problem including me but I don't want to play fantasy football this year and I am not interested in facebook because I have been on it for a while. He is a corny guy and I can't do anything about it. What I think is dull he thinks is relaxing. I said "I am happy that you enjoy your life and get to do what you want to do while I am miserable." His response was that I should not be miserable all my life and I need to find something to do. I was going to sign up for ballroom dancing but I don't have $80 to spare (pathetic huh). He suggested that I might enjoy going to the gym because the bar is out of the question (used to be my place to hang out, have no desire to go there cause it will send my ina downward spiral) . I think that is a great idea and am going to start going after he gets home from work. I hope this helps me get motivated. I am looking forward to going.

It is the end of the summer and my birthday is just around the corner. I have been thinking about the past year and a lot has happened. I have a lot of adjusting to do and I am still trying to get it all together. I am going home now and I am going to try and relax.