Tick tock tick tock

OK. I know I have lost my mind but for the last few months these kids are starting to look real cute and not so disgusting. The slobber is cute, the cheeks are cute, etc. I think it is my girlfriends fault because her daughter is the cutest thing and every time I see her I just want to keep her for myself. One of my best friends is with child and I am so happy for her but I cant help but to think about when I will add to my own. Sam is my world but he is getting older and not so into the mom thing anymore. He didn't want to help with the Christmas decorating (I think he put up five ornaments), he barely helped make cookies and that was just because my mom was there. I miss the old me that didn't want anything to do with kids. It was much easier that way. I was content with being a soccer mom and Sam's best bud, but things have changed.

I know you might be asking, what's the problem, you are married, why don't you just get pregnant and have a baby. Well there are a number of reasons I cant have one starting with the fact that I am not even remotely attracted to my husband and having sex is the only way to get pregnant. Second, we only have one car and Jake's schedule would not allow him to take over Sam's activities. Third, I need to lose weight because I think having a child right now would not be good for my health. Fourth, $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$, they are expensive and I don't have the money. I cant stay home for a appreciable amount of time because my husband doesn't make enough money to sustain the house. Fifth, I want to go to cooking school and I can't afford the tuition and want to go full time but that goes back to problem number four.

I hope the clock stops ticking soon. Unfortunately I think about it daily and it makes me sad. I told Jake that if he ever wanted to have more children, he was going to have to pray really hard for God to change my mind. I guess God answered his prayers but I wish he had waited a while longer.