Wall down still here

Still here and it is 10:11pm. I am still trying but my patience is wearing thin. He has an attitude because I didn't pick exactly where to go even though he was the one who wanted to go out. It is now 10:22pm and we are just leaving the house to go where?, AC of course which is what he wanted to do in the first place. I hope he wins. Btw I still haven't eaten dinner. Fakin it til I make it.

Kitty I am not trying hard enough

This blog is to a good friend. Someone I admire and respect. She told me to put my wall down this weekend and just go with the flow. I AM HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME. This morning Sam had to be at his track meet at 8:00 and we didn't leave the meet until 6:30pm. Little things throughout the day just irritated me about Jake. He never really has anything positive to say to or about Sam (who by the way ran his fastest ever time in the 200m, 800m and threw his farthest in the turbo javelin). I went to the store and brought Jake a hoagie because he is too prideful to get himself something to eat. Did he appreciate it or even offer to carry the bag? NO he took his hoagie out of the bag and left the rest of the items for me to carry. We argue about everything. (Why can't you happy for Sam? Why are you like that? I say white you say black.)

And now he is asking me what I want to do today now that I have dropped Jake off at his BF house. Jake's friend is having a BBQ today and he also suggested that we go to AC, which he will just play the tables and not talk to me until it is time to go and he is out of money. I don't want to go to the friends house because our anniversary is tomorrow and I know people are going to ask about it and I will have to fake and act like I like him. Baltimore or NY is the next suggestion and those sound good but it is 8:35pm and I am not even dressed from after the track meet. I know I know I should be so hype that he has these suggestions but there is no plan. And I am all for spontaneity but he is really pushing it all on me. SMH

But I am trying to put the wall down even though we have both clearly stated that we are sick of each other. He is leaving now to go to the liquor store and I guess I will get dressed and try to make myself look presentable. Kitty I am gonna get the wall down but it is not easy at all. I want to tell him to kiss my butt and go up in my room and go to bed but I can't. Fake it til you make it. Clearly he has the "I cant stand you woman, look on his face but I guess he is fakin it til he makes it too. At least I could meet him half way. Ugh Ugh Ugh. I cant believe I got married less than 24hrs from now, two years ago. Thank you for being my friend Kitty. Thank you for helping me see myself. If I don't try I guess I cant expect him to. Love you girl and I hope you and your family are enjoying each other. You are truly a blessing.