Hurt

I guess you feel like I am a liability. I have to go to the doctor a lot and you feel like it is costing you money. You do not go to the doctor at all so you feel like you can be nasty to me about the bills that go along with the various issues I have. Instead of being supportive or saying do you need anything, you want to know how much it is going to cost. I bring bags in the house and my wrist starts to hurt and you want to know if I have paid the medical bill. Well, I HAVENT GOTTEN A DARN BILL!!!! One day you will have to go to the hospital or a doctor's appointment and I will not make you feel as though you are a liability to me. What ever happen to in sickness and in health. I wish I hadn't asked you to take a day off to stay with me after surgery because all you are going to do is make me feel like I should be at work and that you are spending unnecessary money on me. What a shame that other people seem to care soooo much more than you do. I just want yo scream right now but I am not because I realize you are just letting the devil use you!!! I figure I will just type and ramble on until I am no longer pissed off and angry. My friend called me yesterday and said, "Hey I just wanted to let you know that I know everything is going to work out ok for you on Tuesday and that I am praying for you." YOU don't have anything to say but $$$$$$$$. I just want to punch you in the face. (this is really making me feel better) I should not feel like a burden to YOU because YOU have the family on your job medical plan. When we were on my plan there were no issues with the cost because it was coming out of MY account. Now you wanna know what everything is. I contribute just as much if not more to our daily living than you do. You want me to handle everything. "Did you call the insurance company?, Do we owe anybody?, Did you apply to the school for Sam? Did you do..........? Why do I have to do EVERYTHING!!! You act like I am the man of the house and you are the wife making sure the man has it all together. I will DO it all like I always do while you sit and watch the pro bowl and make yourself something to eat and go to work and follow your daily routine with No interruptions JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT. And I will figure out how to get my regular job done at work, apply for a new social security card for Sam and new birth certificate so I can apply for him to go to a new school, and call the insurance company and pay the bills and try not to drink and smoke and get ready for surgery on Tuesday and cook dinner and take Sam to track practice tomorrow and do allllll the other things I do. I make everyone's doctor appointments and dentist appointments I take Sam every where he needs to go and as soon as I am in need of a little hand holding because I have my own stuff going on with me, the only person I can count on is Jesus and my mom. Sam helps me more than you.

So, after all this you say,"Im sorry if you feel like I am attacking you." REALLY ARE YOU REALLY SORRY!!!!???????? I dont think so.

On another note, after all this fussing I just want to thank God for all he is doing in my life right now. Everything around me may look messed up but GOD IS.......EVERYTHING!!!! I praise Him in spite of my situation. Only He can see me through. Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.