Random thoughts

Where do I begin...

I have several things on my mind right now so if it all doesn't make sense I would not be surprised.

My car is not our car because you do not do anything to take car of it. If it needs an oil change I get take it. I wash it, clean it, get it inspected, I get tires changed and deal with the car bullies myself. If you are driving it it is because I am letting you borrow it. You told me that it is my car so I need to take care of it. You do not dedicate any time on a Saturday or any other day to take care of "our" car so it is not ours. Yes I know they say in a marriage everything is fifty fifty and that you share responsibilities and all that but sharing responsibilities does not make me fixing, calling in favors, making mechanic contacts, warming the car in the morning because you are upstairs getting pretty for work and you just driving the car make it become "our" car. So when you want to go out for you cousins birthday you better hope he comes to pick you butt up because you cannot borrow my car on the weekend because I have places to go and people to see in my car. I mean you don't even put gas in it. Ours... NO MINE!!!!!

My boss is a pain in the butt and I don't know how anyone could have married his anal butt. He talks old school to another level. How is it that I work with two and a half other great guys and I got stuck with this guy in the beginning. He has no personality and frankly I think he has smiled once this year and it is November. I was told he used to be the life of the party and was not so uptight but that is not the guy I know. I just wish he would let go of all those things that are weighing him down. It makes him no fun to be around and way to serious.

I do not want any more children. I still have not changed my mind on that. It may be a phase but I don't know. Now that I am married to Jake I really don't want anymore children. I am an affectionate person. Call me a hopeless romantic and I think last night was the first time we talked for more than five minutes since we got married in May. OK maybe since we moved into the house in July. Yesterday I was feeling loving so I sent him and email to let him know he was in my thoughts and I know he received it but he did not respond. Now me being the highly emotional person I am and having an even more emotional week as I do once every month, I wanted a response and did not receive one so it bummed me out. I have been praying to let things go so I dismissed it and declared it a movie night , which is when I go in my room and watch a movie with myself. Anyway, needless to say I did not watch the movie because I had to see the episode of Heroes I missed last night. We talked for a total of about five minutes throughout the show and then went to bed which is when we had the "our" car conversation. it did not blow up, I left my comments to myself determined to get them out here.

My mother gave Jake scriptures to go over with Sam because he has been dealing with some fear issues. Instead of telling me about it and following through with it, he hands me the paper that my mom had just given him before she got out of the car and said here are the scriptures your mom gave for Sam, not mentioning the fact that they were for him to go over with him. Sam asked my mom "How do adults deal with fear?" I found out the next day during a conversation with my mother that she had given the paper to Jake because he is a man and because he is the head of the home. I honestly think that he thinks being a head means going to work and making money and making sure bills are paid. But I do that I know there is more to it then that. We have a lot of growing and learning to do if we are going to make this thing work. God help us.