I can't even talk about what I need to talk about right now because I can't put my business out there for those new readers I gave muy blog info to because they know my husband and I would not want them to feel any type of way about him because of what I need to say. But I will say, HEEEELLLPPPPP!!!!!!!

I know this is crazy but I dream about you almost every night. I see your face so clearly as we walk down the street laughing or when we are making love. I cannot figure out why I can't get you off my mind. You are married now and have made it clear to me that you have no interest in even being my friend. The last time we talked was about four years ago. When you saw him you never spoke to me again. I think you are the only person I wishthings had been different with. Oh now don't get me wrong I don't want to be with you and I am happy that you are happily married. I think the reason I dream about us together is because it is so far fetched and when we were together so many years ago we made magic. I think I am a little jealous too. I mean you got the girl a d apparently got the kid too so you felt no need to get closure or to now the truth. Juan says I never gave you a choice to be the man you may have wanted to be. Well I am sorry for that. I wad hurt and I thought I was protecting myself and him from any future disappointments. I didn't know I was hurting you too. I'm sorry. I don't know why it has been so hard for me to let this go. I look for you on FB but you did not respond. When I drive pass your moms house I slow down just a bit hoping I'll catch you in town visiting. At the end of the day I want closure. I want to know the truth. Some times I look at him and I see you buy I'm just not sure. I wish I had been more careful back then. I wish thee was something I could do to get you off my mind and especially out of my dreams. What do I do?

Wish you missed me

Maybe it is that we have two different personalities but I wish you would have called. It is bad enough that you didn't come because it was "too much money" but you didnt even bother to go online and find out just how big of an event this is. On the day I am leaving with Sam you ask me "so what's next the Olympics or something like that" I could not believe my ears I mean you never really cared what it was. Sam thinks ou don't even want him to be here. If I were you I would have called at the crack of dawn to. Give him e pep talk and stayed on the phone while he was running. You seem to be forcing yourself to care. I would have called to see what I was missing and find out how every day went. It is difficult for me to understand how you could miss an event like this but for to not to call except on the day of the race but too late to talk means it wasn't a priority. Maybe some might say I was supposed to call you but I can't coach and talk at the same time. I don t feel anymore loved then when I left. You didn't even bother to find out when I get home or leave DES moines. I am sad that I have to come back home to you. I called to see if you could pick me up from the airport and you said ok. I guess I should thank god that at least I have a ride. See you when I get home. I had a great time here and will not dwell on this small infraction on such a wonderful experience.